Today I have a hole in my heart!

For about three weeks I have been really nausea's and then I started spotting and so I thought that I was pregnant. I took a test and it said that I wasn't. So I waited to see what happened next. Yesterday I started to bleed a little bit more, but not like I would with my normal period. I figured that it was my clue that I wasn't pregnant, so I had the usual cramps and still feeling crappy. Last night about 1 am I started to have really bad cramps that felt like I was having contractions. As I sat there huddled over in pain my body started to get cold chills all over my body and started to shake. Not knowing what was going on and why I was in so much pain for just having my period. Didn't know if I should go to the E.R or not? After the cramps let down my body got really warm and I felt better. When I woke up this morning and called my mom we figured that it was a miscarriage. My mom had one before she had my older sister and I knew that she would know what it is like to have a miscarriage. I knew that I was only a month along, but it still leaves me shocked and saddened that I will never know that baby. I know that other women go through it and I can't imagine to have a miscarriage being farther along. I know that this child wasn't suppost to come down to our family and that it wasn't meant to be. I have so many emotions going thru my head on why it happened? All that I know is that my heavenly father loves me and is watching out for us.